Nope,I was right before-Life does hate me.The afore mentioned journal was just yet another glimmer of false hope.
Woop.Dee.Fuckin'.Doo.

I finally came out of my shell at school I talked to alot of new people today,and I'm so proud of myself for it.Not only did I make some new friends,but I talked to both of the boys I like-albeit the time ratio on that is very unbalanced,but still I'm finally working on getting out of my comfort shell,taking chances,and leaping with my eyes closed.
What do you think of that your majesty?

Without anyone,I'm afraid.

I had a good day but right now I feel like crap.Crap in the relationship sense.Relationship in the I don't have one sense.It sucks so HARD to be alone over the holidays.You can be having a lovely day out shopping and then it'll turn around on you and bite you in the ass. I don't know what it is about this time of year that just makes me sad...well actually I do,but that's nothing that you guys need to know about.
It's just depressing.One of my closer friends who has been just as single as me ever since we've met now has a potential girlfriend.I feel like I'm getting left behind.I don't know what's so difficult to like about me-actually scratch that,I do-but it makes me so sad.
Merry friggin' Christmas.

Okay,so I basically have no money whatsoever right now.And that's not good,considering I know alot of people and Christmas is on my coat tails.So lets figure this out:
Making 4 hats for my mom-5$ a hat-20$.good enough start.
I KNOW I'm coming into about 25$ soon,which is also quite good
On top of a few different chores I can do,
Clean my room (Finally)
Cat litter
Dishes
Shoveling snow (If snow ever decides to fall)
And whatever else happens to come my way,I think I should be pretty well off
Also,anyone who knows me directly-if you need a hat sewn or a card made this holiday season,I'd be more than happy to oblige for the low low prices of 3 dollars a hat and 1 dollar a card.Just send me a message or something and it'll be golden

One day I'll feel the need to go.I'll leave without telling you,I'll leave without telling anyone.I'd get my favorite bag-you know the one that doesn't hurt my shoulders.I'll fill it with clothes and my sketchbook and pencils.I'll put on my good hoodie,the one that makes me look like a boy--no matter how I look I AM a girl,there's always a possibility of rape.I'll throw in an extra pair of shoes too.I'll take my back pack too.That's gonna have a bunch of different maps of North America in it,maybe some food for the first little ways.I'll take my wallet with me,my passport,all the money I have in the apartment,every bit of identification I have.I'll put on my shoes,the ones that I can walk in for days and still feel fine.I'll take my sewing kit too.And my mittens,I can't live without my mittens!I may leave you something though,all of you.I'll utilize my talents and see how you interpret them.
And I'll take my keys and...go.I think I'll take the GO train to their furthest destination, which I think is Niagara falls.Very convenient,because then I'll just cross the border and go from there.After that,I don't really know.I guess I'll be in Upstate New York at that point,and there are a bunch of things I need to do in New York.Oh,so many things...but back to the story.Afterwards I don't know where I'll go.There are alot of states I need to stop in for one reason or another,so I guess I'll make a U-turn in Texas and make my way up the coast line to Vancouver.I'll cross the prairies then-that should be fun.Miles of barren land well I have my corn song to keep me warm.I'll walk my way back into Ontario,I'll make sure of that,I just want to walk into my province.By then I'll have started asking myself questions...will you look different,will you look at me differently,will you remember me,or will you have forgotten me?
I guess by then you'll have a life to yourself-you'll have something solid to hold onto,and I'll be so proud of you for that.As for me that wouldn't be me-I'll be holding onto melting ice,wondering where my next fall will take me.
I bet at first you were really worried,and maybe scared.I'm gonna guess that you were pretty sad too-well if you were,then my objective is completed.Being in love with you is the hardest most heart breaking thing I've ever had to deal with-you know me well enough to know that when I say that,it's true.I've stood by and been willing to talk no matter how heart wrenching a subject,no matter how much I wanted to tear my own eyes out,rip off my fingernails and crawl into a hole and die,I have always talked to you.I've seen relationships build to a climax and slow to a disappointing end.I've talked to you when you've fallen into forlorn love-to be fair,you were willing to listen when I talked about my silly childish crushes-but then again,you aren't in love with me.I have been my happiest and saddest with you,all at once.I've wanted to kiss you and hold you close and tell you how my heart swells and beats faster when you smile,at the same time as I've wanted to loosen a few teeth in your mouth through painful dental surgery.I know you've never felt this way-I know this because you've told me yourself-you've never had a problem with girlfriends,why should you,you're golden.You could pick any girl,and she'd be ecstatic over your choice.But I know that isn't the case with me,no sir it's not.I know that I'm a close friend,almost a best friend,and God I love that,I love being close-but God has damned me as well,to taking a back seat in your endeavors in love.I'm just not the right make and model, and as of late,the right year either.
So I guess that is why I'll do it one day.I'll rid myself of the home I know and start to walk.When I do eventually do this,it will be at the point where I am most furious with everything around me.So maybe that's what I'll use my talents to tell you.I'll draw footsteps.Because after all,that's what you told me.When things get to be too much,I should walk away.So that's what I'll do-walk away.